Seanne N. Murray
5 Ways You Know, For Sure, He’s Not the One
Dating is an exploration.
It’s not a commitment to another, but a commitment to explore each other.
Dating is the time we use to assess the other and determine whether a commitment is viable or desired.
Here are 5 things to look out for as you’re checking him out that’ll let you know he’s NOT the one.
1. He doesn’t follow through on phone calls or texts.
You know the guy who says he’s going to call you on Tuesday, but he texts you on Friday night to see if you’re free?
You already know the answer to that. You’re definitely not free, but, still, give him a follow up shot.
Now, he calls you Sunday night, gets another call and says he’ll call you right back.
Today’s Tuesday and you’re still waiting for that return call and wondering if something’s wrong with your text messages.
The answer here (and don’t you dare text him) is clearly no, it’s not gonna work.
Give him 3 chances for fun, ‘cause we all get busy, right?
If he’s not respectful enough to follow through on a simple phone call or text, then he’s out.
2. He doesn’t have any close friends.
The guy without friends is the guy who doesn’t want you to have friends.
He’ll probably start off by being really amazing, making you feel particularly special, like you are his world.
That’s because YOU ARE his world. Run! Run now!
Before you know it you’ll be begging your own friends for forgiveness trying to get back in their good graces after this dude has isolated you from your former fun and happy life.
This guy is dangerous, has social issues and is not emotionally intelligent.
Stay too long and the narcissistic sociopath will raise its creepy head.
3. He believes in negative reinforcement.
This guy notices EVERYTHING that’s wrong about you and the world.
You’ll show up for your date perfectly coiffed and manicured and he’ll notice a tiny speck of lint on your dress and flick it off with a roll of the eyes while you wait for his accolades that never come.
You’ll be at the most amazing restaurant in the city, spooning in the most luscious crème brulee of life and he’ll go in on the starving children in Burundi (there goes your appetite).
Even worse, when you’re starting to see progress on your passion he can’t support you.
When you get that phone call or email from the person you’ve been trying to reach for months, it could be Richard Branson, and you call him, ecstatic and overwhelmed. He’ll say something like, “Congratulations. BUT, you know, Branson isn’t really well liked in certain circles”.
Are you kidding me, you dumb f*ck?!
Keep it moving’, ladies.
4. He has no plans for his future.
When a guy has no goals in life or plans for his future, the last thing he wants is a woman who does.
I promise, he will try to convince you otherwise.
He will say that he likes “strong, assertive” woman (yes, those exact words).
He will say that his mother ran the household, that he has high respect for intelligent and driven women.
Some of this may be true. Most of it is a lie.
No man wants a woman to succeed or make headway with her plans before he does.
You may not like the sound of this and your man will tell you I’m an idiot and don’t have love in my life, but I tell you, it’s true.
5. He believes good sex is the answer.
This guy has an Adonis like body.
He’s your dream come true with the sexual talents of a romantic hero.
He does things to your body that you’ve never told anyone you wanted and others you didn’t know you wanted.
You are spent and wanting more, spent and wanting more.
He wants you to tell him that he’s your best, that he’s THE best, and you do, because, in that moment, he is.
The sexcapades continue, but you notice there’s less and less conversation.
He doesn’t know or ask about what’s going on in your life, what you like, don’t like, what your favorite food is, or your dreams and desires outside of the bedroom.
He thinks that the sex will keep you.
He’s sure that he’s conquered you, but now you’re bored because the connection hasn’t grown and while he thinks you’ll be pining for his sexual prowess for life, he’s unaware of the essential connection between the physical, mental and spiritual.
It was a good ride (pun intended), but move on.
Don’t ever confuse dating with commitment.
Dating is like shopping.
You try on some things that you like and some you don’t.
You may even take some things home to check them out a little closer or get your friends’ advice knowing the return policy.
Keep the tags on until you're ready, until you’re absolutely sure.