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  • Writer's pictureSeanne N. Murray, Esq.

The Gentleman Junkie: Remembering My Uncle Brian

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." - Joshua 1:9

My uncle Brian Murray passed away today. He was born on November 18, 1950. This is the hardest loss I've experienced because we were so close. We loved each other unconditionally and filled gaps no others could fill. He was so proud of me and treated me like a daughter. He protected me and gave when he had nothing to give. He did more for me than I'm willing or able to share at this moment, but one day, I will, and those who know, know.

We came up with the name "The Gentleman Junkie" together and thought it would be a great book title. However, his story was too painful for him to write, and he never thought it would be perfect enough anyway. Despite being tricked into severe drug addiction by a friend, he would buy drugs with the utmost refinement and manners. He struggled with addiction for many years, yet he was Mensa smart, educated, and a teacher. He was kind, extraordinarily generous, and never felt good enough.

Once, someone tried to shoot him in the head, but the gun wouldn't operate. The shooter tried again, and the bullets flew only when the gun was turned away. My uncle Brian was God-fearing and God-loving. He could cite the Bible and spoke with multisyllabic words, a skill his mom required him to develop from childhood, much to the chagrin of his teachers. On that, we laughed out loud.

During COVID, we talked for hours and hours, learning from each other intellectually and emotionally. He always wanted the best for me and prayed for true love to come my way. He was, and will always be, a great love in my life, and I know I was his. I had hoped I could take him to some experiences he'd never had, black tie and all. He'd have been a star, grinning from ear to ear. But time is short. Four days ago, I heard his voice call my name through the ether, and I've been dreading this day for a week, fearing it for some reason, expecting doom, feeling unsafe, and not wanting to be alone. Now I know why. The loss is so deep, and I wish he'd had a better, happier life. But I know he was deeply, deeply loved. And I know he is here with me right now and will be here with me forever.


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1 Comment

Trey Tre
Trey Tre
Jul 02

Sending love and positive vibes. Reflecting on the time we shared with those who have passed brings so much peace during the quiet moments of their absence. I hope you continue to do so, and always remember that at times we may be lonely, but were never alone. <3

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