I wrote this sometime in 2020, actually spoke it, and came across it today.
Perhaps it will resonate with you.
Thanks for reading.
I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Here it is.
Self Wish
I am in a mood, a bad mood, a mood that resolves in new energy, new thoughts, new things.
But, being in it is hard.
And still I sync, I have to sync all the way in.
My energy is not here to warm your heart.
It’s not here to make you feel better,
To coddle you like some kind of art.
I’m not here to excite you.
I’m not here to entice you.
I’m not here to light you, to plug you in,
To make you feel better,
To inspire you with some kind of sin.
I am not here to lift you.
I am not here to sift through your words,
To try to get you.
I don’t even want you.
I’m not here to clean you,
To lick you,
To make you purr.
I don’t get you.
I get me.
Every day, I get me.
What I bring is exactly what I mean.
What I say is exactly what I feel,
In the context of my own zeal.
Every day, mine,
Of the connection with me and with her, mitochondrial eve.
I live in my spirit, and I uplift it, period with a “t”.
When blood splatters on the ground, my blood, I clean it,
I bless it, I release it and I leave it uncovered because I know that one day it will be rediscovered.
And there, people will find lessons.
The lessons will be there for those who need them.
My energy, it’s on when it’s off,
When it’s healing, when all I can do is kneeling,
When I’m praying and no one else will listen.
And still, you’re needing what I’m not giving and that wasn’t ever my intention.
I was never focused on you, or maybe I was.
But, on my own fundamental feeling, that’s where the fun was, my own connection and contemplation.
The rest was misgiving, side notes that float freely.
Go ahead and just take them while they are drifting.
Still, they’re irrevocably mine.
My spirit is my nation.
I really hope you can feel what I’m saying.
Yes, I am selfish.
I am self wish.
I am giving.
What I am not is selfless.
Feel free to share if you like.
Seanne